In this weeks blog I talk about us going through the diagnosis process and all my inner thoughts feelings and emotions.
After the May half term Louis changed schools, and this is also when we really started to get going with the diagnosis process for him. Flags had been raised at his previous primary school with regards to ADHD so I took him to the doctors who referred us to our local paediatrician.
I was a mixture of emotions. On one hand I didn’t want anything to be wrong with my child but I also didn’t want him labelled the naughty kid in the class if there was something going on with him. Louis was very excited to have a morning off school and to go and play with the Lego. He did this with a lady who was monitoring him through playing with him and I sat and spoke to the doctor. I’ll always remember him saying to me, ‘Tell me about Louis’. My reply was, ‘He’s my normal, so you ask me the questions and you tell me if my replies are normal’
The test we went through for him is called the Connors Scale, this is used in conjunction with mine and Pete’s reports and speaking to the school. The doctor said then and there from the information I had given him and what the other lady had observed from him he thought he had ADHD, so he referred us onto the next part of the process.
My heart sank…but I did what I always do and put a smile on, told Louis it was time to go and then took him for a hot chocolate before taking him back to school. I needed to spend time with my boy. I sat opposite him in the coffee shop watching him gently placing each tiny marshmallow into the hot chocolate and then stirring them in before taking little sips till it was cool enough to drink. How did this beautiful boy with his full head of auburn hair that was long because we couldn’t cut it, with his cute little blue glasses and big smile have ADHD? I didn’t understand. Then came all the questions. Did I do something wrong during my pregnancy? Should I have let them C Section me so he wasn’t a breach delivery? Was it because I had to go to theatre after and didn’t have skin to skin with him? What had I done wrong? What would his life look like now? Would he still be able to go to university if he wanted? Would he be able to live on his own? What did my beautiful boy’s life look like now?
I can’t remember what we talked about whilst there with our hot chocolates, I just remember those questions going through my head and the love I had for my little man, but also being pleased that he wasn’t being naughty and that I wasn’t being a bad mum in how I raised him, there was another reason beyond my control.
We left the coffee shop and I took him back to school. I went home and sobbed. Sobbed like a baby, cried like I had never cried before. All those feelings of failure, fear, devastation just came out. At that time I had a lovely German shepherd, Spud, so I put on my boots and took him for a nice walk and cleared my head, pulled myself together to go and collect Maddie and Louis from school.
In the next blog I talk about the beautiful friendships Louis formed and how my family took the news
Love and high vibrations
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