This week has been so hard for me. Archie has also had a hard week with going into sch0ol and being away from me.
It’s not often that I reach out for help, but the head of my vortex offered and I took him up on tuning into Archie, and what was going on with him so that I could help him
I had tried everything. Being firmer with his routine and really making sure that I stuck to it. Being very present for him and listening to him, staying with him in his room until he fell asleep or keep going up to him when he called me. He was literally bouncing of the walls, he didn’t want to use his essential oils and was very clingy.
He kept saying to me that he felt scared and I couldn’t get to the bottom of why he felt this way, and I don’t actually think that he did either. I always us the word ‘Because’ with him as I find this gets to the root of the problem quite quickly but he just didn’t know bless him, which was distressing him further.
So when the head of my vortex said, ‘Tasha, you need to go in on your attachments to being a mum, work on the decisions you made about being a mum, how it would make me feel to say no to your children (Not something I’m very good at!) And if your children didn’t need you tomorrow, how would I feel about that? With Archie, something has changed in the last month that has unsettled him and it’s possibly something small, but when you click with what it is he’ll be fine’. With all of this I went to work.
Not only did I go back through Archie’s stuff that has been going on for him but I also go back through mine.
Most of the time I find my children are my mirrors. When they are showing up in a certain way it has something to do with me, something that I need to work on and clear, something that I need to acknowledge. When I do this, the energy and shift will then go down through to them and they are then ok.
So what was coming up for both of us? We weren’t feeling heard and therefore felt that we couldn’t speak or it wasn’t safe for us to do so, hence ‘I’m scared’ from Archie.
I don’t like confrontation at all, and I also don’t like to speak out unless I’m with people that I know very well or if I’m backed into a corner and have no other option.
I knew on some level that I was going to have to go into Archie’s school and have a chat about a couple of things that needed to change for Archie. They are only small things and having now been in and spoken about them, they are being implemented straight away and as always, the fear of going to do it was far worse than actually doing it. So where does this fear come from?
Same place as most adult problems do, childhood.
I realised through journaling that I had made a decision as a child that it wasn’t safe for me to speak, there were consequences when I did and so to be quiet was the best, safest way forwards. But obviously with not speaking comes not being heard. You can’t be heard if you don’t say anything and so the cycle carries on.
I’ll share one memory that shows this. My Grandpa bless his soul was trying to teach us French. So as young children the first thing is to count to 10 in French. I worked and worked and practised with my Granny until id finally remembered them all.
Grandpa was upstairs so I went half way up the stairs, called him and counted to ten in French – he walked off! Why? I missed out the number 7! In that moment I decided that I wasn’t going to try anymore, when I spoke I was ignored and then I was left disappointed.
Now all of that might sound OTT and mad for someone my age now, but at the time I was 5.
When these things come to the surface we have to go into the age of us that feels that was and work with that age of us (Parts Therapy) and as small as it may seem that I forgot the number 7 and the follow on from that wasn’t that ‘big’, it’s all in the childhood decisions.
Now I’ve gone back in and completed a ho'oponopono,
(The Hawaiian word ho'oponopono comes from ho'o ("to make") and pono ("right"). The repetition of the word pono means "doubly right" or being right with both self and others. In a nutshell, ho'oponopono is a process by which we can forgive others to whom we are connected)
I’ve helped my inner child realise that I am here and I’m listening and its ok for her to speak and to be heard, integrated that energy by going and speaking to Archie’s teachers, explaining where he’s at and implementing a few new things for him to help him…Guess what?.....He’s now ok.
He’s calmed down, he’s listening to me, he gone into school so much better and enjoyed being there. He’s feeling safe, heard and held and all because I went in and did the work.
On Archie’s side yes something small did change. His dad sometimes has to go to Wales with work. There’s no set routine with it and so he’s not sure when dad won’t be here, resulting in him not wanting dad to go to work at all. Dad is in agreement with him :0) so all we can do there is have the conversation with him everyday as to where his dad is going to be.
We do the best we can for our children but honesty is the best policy in all situations, even if it is a childs version of that, because the decisions the child makes off the back of that can hold them back through out all of their lives.
How are you not being heard?
What can you do to speak your truth
How are your childhood decisions impacting your family?